At Home

Eric's been really tired today. He was in and out of bed till late this afternoon. It's not unusual for him to sleep a few hours a day, but lately the hours are adding up. He's sleeping more and more. No surprise. This is expected of course at this stage of the disease. He'll sleep more and more as the cancer progresses. I really believe he's at a point where leaving the house is no longer an option. His energy level is at an all time low. Even with the high dose of steroids on board, he's still very fatigued. We spend most of our time in the home. Today, I did some cleaning, played with the little guy, internet surfing, and eventually got over to my parents house with Ethan for a nice visit. It was a very low key day. Nothen' special. Just a nice, calm day.

We did talk with Eric's nurse at Fairview Hospital yesterday. We've been informed that Eric "may" only have 4-6 weeks to live. It's a guess..but from the information they've gathered from us about Eric's current symptoms, this is the estimation they gave us. We have a big meeting next Monday with Eric's oncologist, Dr.Truschiem, and Eric's primary nurse, Katy. He'll have his final MRI the same day. It will be our last visit to Fairview Hospital. The focus will be palliative care at this point. We're moving forward with in-home hospice and hope to have Eric with us at home during his final days. All of this needs addressing as Eric enters the last stage of brain cancer.

These last few days have made me realize that it's important for me to start grief counseling. For some unknown reason, I've avoided picking up the phone and making the appointment. It's been on my to-do-list for months. It just never seemed like the right moment. Eric's health was ok up until this point. It was easy to let things go and just keep living life as usual. My life has been dramatically shifted within the last few weeks. The experience of loss is more real. Eric is less available and we're no longer sharing in the activities that defined our marriage. My home and daily routines have changed as I've needed more help caring for Eric. So, I made the call and I feel really good about it. I start next week.

Comments

[michele]

major hugs.

[kelly]

Oh, Christine. That was so hard to read- I can't begin to imagine how hard it was to type out in black and white. It must be so difficult to know that Eric has fought such a good, noble fight- but now he's tired and has to face this stage in his disease.

I will pray that you and your family will have a Blessed Christmas holiday and can share quiet, special times together.

Hugs to you,
Kelly

[Kim Langston]

As much as I enjoy reading your blog, I also worry every time a new post pops up. This one didn't help. I guess knowing a time frame allows for plans to be made in preparation. I am so glad you made the phone call for grief counseling. My heart hurts for you and your family.

[Kim]

My heart just hurts for you. I admire your strength.

[Karen]

I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. You are a strong lady. Cherish every moment you have with Eric.

[emily (justem)]

Sending so many prayers your way.

[Stephanie Howell]

My heart just aches for you. I'm not ever sure of the right words to say, but I want you to know that you are always in my heart, and I think of you and your precious family constantly. I'm so sorry, Christine.
xo

[Mel Nunn]

Oh Sweetie, You are a very strong lady sharing all this with us. I too worry when I see a new post. I hope that you guys can at least have a great christmas and new year as a family.

Love, Mel

[helen]

You are a blessing to everyone around you and hopefully you can regain some amount of strength with counseling to cope.

We are all here for you.

[helen]

You are a blessing to everyone around you and hopefully you can regain some amount of strength with counseling to cope.

We are all here for you.

[Rhonda]

Gods blessings to you. I lost my sister to brain cancer over 15 years ago. I can only imagine what it is like having to watch your husband go through this. Grief counseling is so helpful. I recently went through a near death experience and my counselor was a life saver. Somebody to talk to that has no personal connection. Someone you can say anything to. I pray it will bring you peace and enlightenment.

[Nicole Harper]

sending so much love your way my sweet friend...and your last line caught me.

you may not have known it, but you've already begun.

and i'm here with you every step of the way...xoxo

[Suzy]

Christine,
My heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Aleida Franklin]

I'm at a loss for words. I come here because I am inspired by your strength, your courage and the beauty you radiate from your writings and your work. I have you in my thoughts, I've prayed for you, I sent you hugs and hope. I'm so sorry C. So very sorry. I am glad you took the step to see a grief counselor. Know that many are thinking of you and your family. I don't know you but I'm frightened--I just hope and pray that you will make it through...I hope you find peace through the holidays. I send you my friendship and love...as that is all I can give you.

A.

[Tonya]

Thinking of you and praying for you....

[Denise]

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad you took the step of calling the counselor. It is a hard call to make, but you won't regret it.

[casey boyd]

Christine, everyday I check in to see how you are doing and today my heart just hurts for you. You are such an amazing woman and wife, Eric is blessed to have you as your life has been with him. I will continue to send my thoughts and prayers your way. Just know in this time ahead we are hear for you if only to listen.

[Caroline Ikeji]

major *hugs*.
:(

[kirsty wiseman]

Thank you for communicating with us through your blog. Its all so personal and so real and so cruel. But if we can ease your burden through just understanding and in return send you vibes of love and compassion - Im sure we can help ease that burden. And even though its going to be hard, do soak up this christmas time - don't feel guilty about enjoying it.
Love you lots xx

[Jill]

I, like many, am at a loss for words. My heart goes out to you and your family. Taking that step of calling the counselor was difficult but I'm so glad you did it.

Your Remember Me layout is amazingly beautiful! One to be cherished.

[Sophie]

I started reading your blog a few days ago. and it really hurts.
I miss the words.
But all my thoughts go with you and your family.

xxx
Sophie

[carrie c]

Christine...I know from reading your blog that Eric is blessed. Blessed to have you as his partner. Blessed that you are there 100% to help him through this journey. The family support I've read about touches me...as does your strength for Eric and Ethan. I'm sure the support you reach out for will be as much as a blessing for you as you have been for those in your family.
You, Eric and Ethan are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Laura]

Christine - just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today. This is such a horribly difficult part of the journey but you are doing it with amazing grace, strength and courage. I pray that you and your family are surrounded with the support you need and the opportunity to cherish each day.
love and hugs - laura

[Andi M.]

Christine, I'm a fairly new reader of your blog. I wanted you to know that you, Eric, and Ethan are in my thoughts and prayers. It's heartwrenching to read your blog. I can only imagine how incredibly painful it is to go through such difficult experience. Please know that there are many people thinking of you and your family and that you have given me much needed perspective.

[Laurel]

My heart is so broken for you. Things just don't make sense sometimes. I hope the counceling will help you through. Just take one day at a time and tell Eric everything you want everyday. I am so so happy you went to Hawaii. You show every one of us why we scrapbook. It not about paper and scissors...you have given so much for Ethan to have one day. Sending you thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Laurel